How is your inside critic doing?

Is he being hard on you lately?

From very young we are told what to do, how to think, how to live, behave, work...

As adults, what has consistently been repeated to us for years becomes part of who we are, of our mental model, of our beliefs. These rules and attitudes are so ingrained in us we don't realize they are there, inside us. They are unconscious!

As soon  as we turn away from them, they wake up and beat us up.

Because these beliefs, these rules that have installed in us, have adapted and are ready to intervene whenever we fail to comply: they are our inner critic, our personal police, our internal terrorist, whatever the name you’d give to these voices inside our head...

Our internal policeman is the one challenging us to be perfect, telling us it’s never good enough, that we haven’t been to good and we need to commit or focus more ...

He’s the one repeating how lazy you are!, What are you waiting for to get up and get moving?...

He’s going to make us doubt, telling us we are not worth it, we will not make it, it’s not even worth a try ...

He’ll give us the fear of the unknown, of changes,  he'll will tell us not to take risks, to keep up with what you have, ...who knows where this might take you? what if it goes wrong?... what will happen? are you insane? ...

He’ll make us deny our most desired dreams, our deepest ambitions, keeping us apart from our goals with fear of mistake, of failure, of shame ...

He’s always telling us what you do and what to avoid doing!
He's preventing us from living in the moment, from just enjoying life.

Take a moment, relax and think about your life ...
Is your coherent with who you are? With what you want? Do you like it?
What more do you want and would you like to take away?

Who rules your life? Is he the one ruling your life?
Kill your interior policeman! Send your inside terrorist on holidays!
He wants to take care of you, which is OK, but he shouldn't control your life!
So keep him at a distance ... keep an eye on him!

Do you feel insecure as a leader?

Take it easy!

Trying too hard produces unexpected results:

•           The flashy leader lacks stability
•           Trying to rush things gets you nowhere
•          Trying to appear brilliant is not enlightened
•          Insecure leaders try to promote themselves
•          Impotent leaders capitalize on their position
•          It is not easy to point how holy you are.

All these behavior come from insecurity. They feed insecurity. None of them helps the work. None contributes to the leader’s health.

The leader who knows how things happen does not do these things.

Consider:

When you think you are so good, what are you comparing yourself with?  God?  Or your own insecurities?

Do you want fame? Fame will complicate your life and compromise simplicity in your comings and goings.

Is it money? The effort of trying to get rich will steal your time.

Any form of egocentricity, of selfishness, obscures your deeper self and blinds you to how things happen..

Lao Tzu

How do you relate to other people? With your boss? With your team?

Every day we interact at work with dozens of people.
The types of relationships we may have are infinite ... Infinite as the variety of people...

The diversity lies in the values ​​and patterns that support and nourish the relationship.
On one side we have the interdependent relationship, based on total transparency and sound support. Here each one’s objective is collaboration and growth for one another. Listening, caring, being supportive and open are key attitudes ...
...On the other extreme, there is the dependent relationship. As if it was based on a scenario, roles are set and rigid. There is a muzzled aggressiveness there. There is some tense resentment that takes away any possibilities for openness and/or growth.


The first type is a partnership, a launching pad for each one. From this base everything is possible. The other person’s challenging, supporting and recognizing attitudes bring  passion, experience and growth with no limits...
...The second is a prison, an addiction, a dependence for both. This is an open war. The only result is a tough, sad and energy consuming bitterness present in all interactions. There are no limits when you want others to pay for your unhappiness, insecurity or low self esteem. They will always owe you something. No debt is ever paid for...

The relationship of interdependence is abundance and growth. It flourishes.
The dependent relation is scarcity and stagnation. It rots.


What about you? 
Where are you between these two extremes?
How are your relationships with other people? With your boss? With your team?

How do you communicate objectives? How do you listen to collaborators?

Managers focus on results and tend to forget about people ...

When the objectives are short term, ambitious and stretched, managers become stressed, tense and focus on actions and results.

As a more or less direct consequence, the pressure on executives deteriorates their relationships with collaborators and teams. This tends to diffuse top-down through the organization and both the culture and work environment may become tense and inflexible.

In these situations managers tend to see their employees as nothing more but pure resources.

The meetings they organise become a way of unilaterally informing people, communicating goals, giving and distributing tasks. With a poor availability or openness to listening to comments, perceptions and opinions from contributors. With no opportunity for sharing events or having deep feedback about the activity. No time for that!

Team members are perceived as a "To-do List", a list of actions and tasks to be executed.

Have you ever been in meetings where, repeatedly, the same actions are scheduled and reviewed, time after time, without ever wondering or asking what the hell is going on?

I would suggest to try and be more careful, be more alert. Not to rush.

Take notice of what your collaborators are saying. Or of what they are not telling you.

What you might perceive on their faces, from their attitudes or their body language ...

Don't shut yourself into your world, your data, your goals ...Be curious!

Do not fall into the trap of making assumptions and believing in them. It's may be comfortable but not always efficient. Ask questions.

Try to be present when you're working with your colleagues, really there. Try to know where they are, what they think, where they stand, how they are doing with their activities.

You will have another perspective of what is happening in your company or department ... You will create connection and intimacy with your collaborators.

They'll come up to you when they have relevant information or when events of importance arise.

They'll trust you if they need guidance or direction ...

Don't forget! The results come through people. Not the other way around...