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Marc DUFRAISSE - AutentiCoach

Finding your own personal way is possible, we accompany you on the path to your Authenticity.

Thursday 29 December 2011

What are your dearest wishes for 2012? Happy New Year 2012!

The end of the year and the beginning of a new year are times when it is suitable to pause, have a break, to look back, step back on your life.

A time to connect with the important people in your life, a time to party, to share moments of fun and madness, but also moments of complicity, intimacy, warmth, love.

A time to review where you are, to relax and continue reinventing yourself.

When we think about the future we tend to do so with the eyes of our past. It’s quite natural but in doing so we limit the options to the events and contexts we have lived and experienced.
What if we opened our minds, our imagination and our thoughts beyond these limits?
The future could be, CAN be different. Totally different!
Only WE can decide it to be

What is your greatest dream?
Opening yourself up on all possibilities, what would be your most intimate wishes for 2012?

Happy New Year 2012! May all your dreams come true for this new year!

Sunday 11 December 2011

Do you feel ownership for your company's decisions?

What feeling of ownership do you have with decisions that are made? With the company?
In a company, the decision makers are in charge. The boss, the owner, director, whoever.
How are welcomed their decisions?
Do employees take ownership for them?
Whatever the decision, it is important not to lose the teams' confidence and commitment that will take charge and boost implementation. 
Beyond the perspective that "these people are paid to do it, so they will", getting them involved with the decision, or at least taking the time and clearly explaining it generates credibility, trust and commitment. Then the spirit, strength and perseverance to transform it into a success will be potentially multiplied. As will their ability to be flexible and adapt the implementation to really generate results.
Today, in the era of communication technologies, we easily fall into the trap of one-way communication without checking the proper reception of messages and decisions.
Taking the time to review the understanding and interpretation of their communications will avoid managers being misunderstood and will empower teams.
How do you communicate? How do you check your messages' reception?

Thursday 1 December 2011

You are a competent and successful professional but ...

You are a great professional, competent, complete, but tell me, in all this, what is really you?
What makes you come alive, what makes your eyes shine, what makes your whole body vibrate?
Sometimes I have the feeling you’ve become a super efficient machine that is not totally aligned with who you really are. You have been slowly learning, integrating, automating, imitating.
A bit like the mimicry of children copying what others do, you've been copying what you’ve been seeing, feeling, sensing and you’ve made it yours.
And you've done a great job. You have been very good at it because you definitely add value with your intelligence, your sensitivity, your personality, your perseverance. A tremendous value.

But you know what, however competent and efficient you may be, this light that connects you with your passion, your guts, your intimate desires, this light seems to be dimmed, to be veiled...What do you think? What are you feeling?

You are authentic and generous. You have charisma and vision. You’re a leader! A fantastic one! I can feel it when we talk and share.
But it seems the diamond you have inside, the diamond YOU are, is half hidden, covered with a veil, behind a shield...

What about uncovering it together? What about searching this inner treasure?
What's going wrong? What's missing?
What are you passionate about? What is important to you? What is really yours?
Let’s go for this quest and out will come all the light, strength and energy you have inside.
Are you ready?

Wednesday 23 November 2011

How is your inside critic doing?

Is he being hard on you lately?

From very young we are told what to do, how to think, how to live, behave, work...

As adults, what has consistently been repeated to us for years becomes part of who we are, of our mental model, of our beliefs. These rules and attitudes are so ingrained in us we don't realize they are there, inside us. They are unconscious!

As soon  as we turn away from them, they wake up and beat us up.

Because these beliefs, these rules that have installed in us, have adapted and are ready to intervene whenever we fail to comply: they are our inner critic, our personal police, our internal terrorist, whatever the name you’d give to these voices inside our head...

Our internal policeman is the one challenging us to be perfect, telling us it’s never good enough, that we haven’t been to good and we need to commit or focus more ...

He’s the one repeating how lazy you are!, What are you waiting for to get up and get moving?...

He’s going to make us doubt, telling us we are not worth it, we will not make it, it’s not even worth a try ...

He’ll give us the fear of the unknown, of changes,  he'll will tell us not to take risks, to keep up with what you have, ...who knows where this might take you? what if it goes wrong?... what will happen? are you insane? ...

He’ll make us deny our most desired dreams, our deepest ambitions, keeping us apart from our goals with fear of mistake, of failure, of shame ...

He’s always telling us what you do and what to avoid doing!
He's preventing us from living in the moment, from just enjoying life.

Take a moment, relax and think about your life ...
Is your coherent with who you are? With what you want? Do you like it?
What more do you want and would you like to take away?

Who rules your life? Is he the one ruling your life?
Kill your interior policeman! Send your inside terrorist on holidays!
He wants to take care of you, which is OK, but he shouldn't control your life!
So keep him at a distance ... keep an eye on him!

Tuesday 15 November 2011

Do you feel insecure as a leader?

Take it easy!
Trying too hard produces unexpected results:
  •           The flashy leader lacks stability
  •           Trying to rush things gets you nowhere
  •          Trying to appear brilliant is not enlightened
  •          Insecure leaders try to promote themselves
  •          Impotent leaders capitalize on their position
  •          It is not easy to point how holy you are.
All these behavior come from insecurity. They feed insecurity. None of them helps the work. None contributes to the leader’s health.
The leader who knows how things happen does not do these things.
When you think you are so good, what are you comparing yourself with?  God?  Or your own insecurities?
Do you want fame? Fame will complicate your life and compromise simplicity in your comings and goings.
Is it money? The effort of trying to get rich will steal your time.
Any form of egocentricity, of selfishness, obscures your deeper self and blinds you to how things happen..
Lao Tzu

Thursday 10 November 2011

How do you relate to other people? With your boss? With your team?

Every day we interact at work with dozens of people.
The types of relationships we may have are infinite ... Infinite as the variety of people...

The diversity lies in the values ​​and patterns that support and nourish the relationship.
On one side we have the
interdependent relationship, based on total transparency and sound support. Here each one’s objective is collaboration and growth for one another. Listening, caring, being supportive and open are key attitudes ...

...On the other extreme, there is the dependent relationship. As if it was based on a scenario, roles are set and rigid. There is a muzzled aggressiveness there. There is some tense resentment that takes away any possibilities for openness and/or growth.

The first type is a partnership, a launching pad for each one. From this base everything is possible. The other person’s challenging, supporting and recognizing attitudes bring  passion, experience and growth with no limits...
...The second is a prison, an addiction, a dependence for both. This is an open war. The only result is a tough, sad and energy consuming bitterness present in all interactions. There are no limits when you want others to pay for your unhappiness, insecurity or low self esteem. They will always owe you something. No debt is ever paid for...

The relationship of interdependence is abundance and growth. It flourishes.
The dependent relation is scarcity and stagnation. It rots.

What about you? 
Where are you between these two extremes?
How are your relationships with other people? With your boss? With your team?

Friday 4 November 2011

How do you communicate objectives? How do you listen to collaborators?

Managers focus on results and tend to forget about people ...
When the objectives are short term, ambitious and stretched, managers become stressed, tense and focus on actions and results.
As a more or less direct consequence, the pressure on executives deteriorates their relationships with collaborators and teams. This tends to diffuse top-down through the organization and both the culture and work environment may become tense and inflexible.
In these situations managers tend to see their employees as nothing more but pure resources.

The meetings they organise become a way of unilaterally informing people, communicating goals, giving and distributing tasks. With a poor availability or openness to listening to comments, perceptions and opinions from contributors. With no opportunity for sharing events or having deep feedback about the activity. No time for that!
Team members are perceived as a "To-do List", a list of actions and tasks to be executed.
Have you ever been in meetings where, repeatedly, the same actions are scheduled and reviewed, time after time, without ever wondering or asking what the hell is going on?
I would suggest to try and be more careful, be more alert. Not to rush.
Take notice of what your collaborators are saying. Or of what they are not telling you.
What you might perceive on their faces, from their attitudes or their body language ...
Don't shut yourself into your world, your data, your goals ...Be curious!
Do not fall into the trap of making assumptions and believing in them. It's may be comfortable but not always efficient. Ask questions.
Try to be present when you're working with your colleagues, really there. Try to know where they are, what they think, where they stand, how they are doing with their activities.
You will have another perspective of what is happening in your company or department ... You will create connection and intimacy with your collaborators.
They'll come up to you when they have relevant information or when events of importance arise.
They'll trust you if they need guidance or direction ...
Don't forget! The results come through people. Not the other way around...

Wednesday 26 October 2011

What are you holding on to? Are you really free?

How come we hold on to so many things?
As if to reassure ourselves ...

We hold on to our routine,on to our technology, our smartphone, our computer, our TV.
We cling to our properties, our car, our real estate, our football club, our political views.
We stick to what is suitable and reasonable, to the beliefs of our society, to our job, to our own beliefs, to our image, our ego ...our husband or wife ...

We hold on to or we get stuck to whatever. To superficial and insignificant things. But to things that bring structure and stability to our lives... Or a semblance of structure and stability ...
We are afraid of getting lost. We are afraid of ourselves, of not knowing who we are without all these attachments...
We hold on to things to avoid falling into boredom. To avoid falling into the void.

We hold on to things not to doubt. Our attachments are certainties, are tangible, material, stable. They give us confidence, they are reassuring.

As a result, our lives are limited, we feel heaviness, clumsiness, stubbornness.
Our vision of the world and our life limits us, imprisons us.
We become disabled with life. We do not see that everything, anything is possible. We cannot imagine that tomorrow could be totally different from yesterday ... if we really wanted it to be...

We need lightness, agility, freedom.
We need to be aware of what is really important to us.
We need to be able to let go of what is not worth it, of the superfluous, of the nonsense.

Let's take our freedom!
Freedom to be who we are here and now, without compromise or unnecessary obligation.

I have a challenge for you:
How about gradually leaving the attachment you have for these little insignificant things in your life?
How about dropping routines and letting your life flow more freely?
How do you see that? Any truth in it? Does it look possible?

Friday 14 October 2011

How to motivate and retain competent and proactive collaborators?

We are still in the paradigm of the industrial economy in which employees are just productive resources for the company.
They are resources to fill a need, competences that fit a profile, who play a role and perform a task.

What if we changed perceptions? 
How can it be if we begin perceiving and treating these employees as key contributors to the company's development?

Quite a change of perspective for the manager and a paradigm shift for the employee!

"Come on! What are you talking about! How could a salesclerk in a shop or an accountant in an office ever become a contributor to a company's development?
These resources have to do their job and do it well. If they don’t, they are out!
There are so many candidates able to do it even better!"

How cynical!
Treated as a resource, a collaborator will never be more than a resource. Don’t expect anything more. 
And managing through the fear of unemployment may only be profitable in the very short term. The competent and high potential people will not accept it for too long...

So change your mindset. 
These employees have their say, their ideas, their thoughts and opinions.
What connects them with the business? What feeling of belonging do they have?Are they recognized in this company? Or is it: "this is what you get!"

Just imagine that these same employees, on a regular basis are given information about the business, its ambitions, activities or results ...
Imagine you develop your relationship with them, you pay attention to them, imagine you’re interested in what they say and do, that the company engages in their personal growth.

Suddenly they transform into partners! They can feel they are part of the system...
They may well become proactive people who participate in the life and development of the company.

To create commitment, flexibility and dynamism in the business, connect with your colleagues and teams, get them involved in the life of the company, let them express themselves!

These people are your capital for the future of the company!
Create contact, create intimacy with collaborators and don’t lose them!

What do you think? Is it possible or idealistic?

Thursday 6 October 2011

Are you a wise Leader?

The wise leader does not make a show of holiness or pass out grades for good performance. 
That would create a climate of success and failure. Competition and jealousy follow.

Emphasizing material success is the same: those who have a lot become greedy, and those who have little become thieves.

When you reinforce appearances, people scramble to please.

The wise leader pays respectful attention to all behaviour. Thus the group becomes open to more and more possibilities of behaviour. 
People learn a great deal when they are open to everything and not just figuring out what pleases the teacher.

The leader shows that style is no substitute for substance, that knowing certain facts is not more powerful than simple wisdom, that creating an impression is not more potent than acting from one’s center.

The students learn that effective action arises out of silence and a clear sense of being. In this they find a source of peace. 

They discover that the person who is down to earth can do what needs doing more effectively than the person who is merely busy.

The Tao of Leadership - Lao Tsu

And you, what do you think?

Sunday 2 October 2011

In organizations "Those who speak do not know and those who know do not speak"

This sentence strikes me and connects me to the importance of the political game within companies and the difficulty of creating openness and efficient communication.

Organizations suffer from the lack of communication between people, from the lack of shared learning within teams.

The internal competition, the pressure and stress levels experienced day after day in companies greatly limit team performance and team members’ development potential...

On one hand, the newly promoted need to learn their job and develop in their roles.
On the other hand, the experienced collaborators have a deep understanding and a detailed knowledge that enable them to perform their jobs in an automated way.

If the two are able to exchange in an open and humble mindset they will be able to learn from each other: one providing expertise, the other the freshness of a new and curious perspective.

Unfortunately we rarely see that level of clear openness and  efficient sharing attitude. And for managers the reliable information is not always available where it should be.

Organizations no longer need obedient and individualistic employees.
They need people who are present 100 percent. Collaborators who are committed and able to interact actively and fluidly.

They don’t need dependent and individualistic resources.
But interdependent, authentic and action driven personalities.

"Those who speak do not know and those who know do not speak"
What do you think? Is there any truth in this sentence for you?

Sunday 25 September 2011

What kind of manager are you? How do you take on your role?

Throughout a career we evolve and gradually develop our technical and management skills.

The day comes when we take over new responsibilities and start managing people and teams.

Then come into action the management models we have created in our minds.

What is your new role? Commercial, Finance, Operations .., or General Manager? How should you interact with the teams? What should you / should you not do?

The majority of directors act in accordance with their models, beliefs and fantasies about what should be a manager's behavior.

As if taking over a position as a Director was like wearing a hat, playing an artificial role. Like an actor playing a preset scenario.

The shame is that as a result their artificial behaviour might take away any personal spontaneity or professional creativity ... Relationships become superficial and cold.

For me, the ability for executives to be themselves in their management and working roles gives them power and credibility.
Being aligned and coherent 100 percent with their role and responsibilities, being authentic and true in their relations with others give executives the capacity to inspire a much higher level of commitment and performance.

Be more connected, more present. Be more nimble and agile.

What about you? How do you see your role and how do you act it? What kind of manager are you?

Be authentic and spontaneous as a manager! Your motivation and consistency will have impact on your teams!

What do you think?

Tuesday 20 September 2011

How is your life? Is it full or empty? How do you see it? Do you live in abundance or in scarcity?

Abundance or scarcity.
These are certainly the most unfairly shared notions between people around the world...

While a few have personal fortunes that can be compared to the GDP of small countries, others have nothing ... apart from their life.

These notions, as real and intolerable they may be in the real world, are also present  in our privileged countries and affect our minds and our lives.

The context and difficulties of everyday life 
that are created by the recession turn people into victims, Victims that blame everything and everyone around them. This victimization is based on the envy or the emptiness they are feeling, on their fear of losing what they have, fear of having less.

The greed we sometimes have when we uncontrollably buy or acquire things relates a lot to filling up a void, filling up a gap, alleviating a need in order to respond to a frustration.
As if we wanted to get high like a drug addict or an acoholic ... high enough to run away from our unexciting day to day...for a time...

The way we live our lives relies heavily on these perceptions or mindsets... How do we perceive our lives? Are we happy with what we have? Or do we always want more?

How do you live? Do you enjoy the moment? Or do you always expect something, a holiday, money, a new car, … or merely that something, anything would come up...?

The abundance or scarcity are in your heads, in your minds. They have nothing to do with the money or the assets you own... Millionaires can be depressive and many poor people live happily ...

Being envious to possess more or terrified to lose what you have will never bring you serenity or happiness.

Knowing what is important to you and feeling free and detached from minor things...These may help getting closer to happiness.

Happiness is about being grateful for what you have.
And about knowing where you are going, what you say yes to and what you say no to.

Wednesday 7 September 2011

Are you the one deciding or someone else is?

"Imagine that there are two kinds of courage. One is an active courage that gets people killed. The other is an inner courage. That keeps people alive.

Which of these two is better?
No one can answer that for you. Each has its benefits and its drawbacks. Tao has no preferences.

Keep in mind that Tao means how: how things happen. But how-things-happen is not the same as what-should-I-do. No one can tell you what to do. That is your responsability.

Instead of asking for advice, learn to become more conscious of what is actually happening. Then you will be able to see for yourself how things happen. You can make your own decisions about what to do.

Tao does not preach sermons or dictate behaviors. What people do is their responsability.
But the pattern of their behavior follows natural law.
This law is so general, it covers every possible event. It is so specific, it applies to every instance of every event.

But no one can decide for you what to do in a given situation. That’s up to you"

Coaching is aligned with the wisdom of Tao. It does not judge you nor tells you what to do.
It supports you in getting clearer with what is happening and in taking your own decisions.

Try it!. or comment.... What do YOU think?.

Texts are an extract of Lao Tsu's "The Tao of Leadership"

Wednesday 10 August 2011

Our rational education and habits disconnect us from our inner self, from our body, from our emotions, feelings and desires.

When we are born we have no separate identity from the rest of the world. We are merged with our mother, we are one with the universe ... It's like having a universal, infinite wisdom, as if we knew everything. Everything is there in our body, our cells, our essence.

Growing up, we forget this wisdom. We disconnect slowly.

As children, you first must survive. We grow up thanks to the love of our parents and of our surroundings. Sometimes we become clever monkeys just to please them.

In adolescence, the issue is to be accepted and to exist. We build ourselves as adults. To define ourselves and our relations with others. With our first experiences as teenagers, we forge our style, our ways, our position with others. We grow up socially, we create our personality.

As young adults we are the direct product of our education. We just do the best we can. We adapt to what we find and in general it’s rather the circumstances that generate our first experiences.

After a few years, we reach a certain maturity and we may be misaligned with our innermost being, asking what we are doing with our lives.
Then we try to reconnect with our wisdom, with our essence.
It is not easy. Because it can be very far away from our day to day lives.

What’s happened since those first moments of our life when we ​​knew it all?
What has disconnected?

Human beings we are complex creatures.
Our strength as living beings is our intellect, our ability to think, reason and analyze things rationally and logically. This has enabled the evolution of humanity, has managed to develop civilizations, societies, technologies ... and contaminate the planet.
For our intellect is also what loses us, what crushes us. Our rational brain is what separates us from the world, from others, what disconnects us from this harmony we had at birth. It structures our beliefs, our vision of the world. Our rational brain blames us when we are not aligned with society and its expectations. It is our internal police patrol that forbids us to flow with life.

Our incessant rational reasonings force us to disconnect from what we feel, from what our body and heart tell us.

They are like layers that isolate us from ourselves. Like the layers of an onion. It is necessary to peel the onion to find back our essence, our authenticity, our body.

Because our truth is in our body.
Our mind is scarcely in the present. It is constantly revisiting the past or thinking about the future.

Our body is always in the present, here and now. It connects us with who we are, where we are and where our truth is. Our body shows us the way.

But to hear and understand it we must be connected with it, we must hear it, feel it... And being in the intellect, it is hard for us to feel the sensations and emotions in our body. We accumulate tensions, contradictions, stress, and we do not realize that we are missing connection, that we are losing ourselves.

In the last centuries of development of science and the industrial age, we were convinced that men were rational, logical, intellectual beings. These were the base of human strength and superiority.

In the last years of the twentieth century, we discovered all this was a lie.Human intelligence, however rational it may be, is based exclusively on emotions. Antonio Damasio demonstrated that a man without emotions is not capable of taking one single small decision. What a lesson!

Modern society has developed considering men as rational and intelligent robots. It's time to put emotions back in command for our societies’ development in the future.

It is time for us all to peel the onion and connect with our bodies, with our emotions, our authenticity.

Though, as we know, peeling an onion can make us cry!
It may be the price to pay for our journey to authenticity.